One of the most common concerns I come across with clients is a sense of not knowing themselves anymore. That somehow, they have lost their identity or have a feeling that they have no purpose or role. 
This can happen for many reasons such as the death of a loved one, loss of your job, children moving out of home, a relationship breakdown, or not having your needs met.
Different Roles
We all have different roles that come into effect depending on what we are doing or who we are interacting with. You may be mum, daughter, son, father, the funny one, care giver, carer, friend, the organiser, manager, the fixer, the rescuer, worker, and potentially a mix of these and more sometimes. These roles often inform a large part of our identity. Losing a role can feel like you’ve lost a huge part of yourself.
Losing identity
Losing your identity can feel overwhelming and incredibly confusing. It is generally a gradual process that almost sneaks up on you without you realising until one day you see and truly feel how unhappy or stuck you are but don’t necessarily understand why.
The why is important, it’s your why and is unique to you and your experiences. A feeling that clients have described is being lost at sea, floundering along or not knowing where they’re going in life anymore. These roles form a part of our identity and provide a certainty, which is comforting.
When that certainty is lost, distress ensues and this creates uncertainty, which leads to questioning of self “what is my purpose or where do I fit in?”
Working with me in therapy allows space for those questions as we explore your roles and how they form your identity. This creates awareness around your why. Once we have awareness, we can move into understanding.
Identifying
Identifying what’s important to you, and what’s NOT important to you, what you need versus what you want helps to create part of a blueprint that makes you, you. This helps you to unpick what roles are yours and what roles have been pushed onto you, leading towards your true identity.
Tips:
- Spend time trying to identify your roles and who you give those roles to. E.g. mothering your partner or managing your friends.
- Ask yourself, what do these roles give me? (what do you get out of it?)
- What roles can be adapted? E.g. Being a carer to a loved one who has died adapting to volunteering at a place of importance to you/loved one)
- Don’t judge yourself! Offer yourself compassion.