Counselling,Grief,Mental Health,Self-care,Therapy And Counselling,Wellbeing

The chasm of grief.

Experiencing grief and finding yourself in that place can so often feel isolating and lonely. It can feel very quickly that everyone else is getting on with their lives, that the world keeps turning and you’re struggling to catch your breath through the pain of your loss.

The chasm of grief gets wider.

Finding the words can be so very hard, sometimes impossible! As a society, we still struggle with death and what it means for us. We have so many words and phrases like past on, past over, lost, passed away, gone to the other side. Saying the word “died” especially when newly bereaved, is a word our brains struggle to make sense of.

When my mum died, 16 years ago, I used to have reoccurring dreams of trying to find her. My brain struggled to makes sense she was dead because of how important she was to me. After working with grief and bereavement for many years now, I know that is totally normal. And if you find yourself resonating with this, know that what you are feeling is normal and part of the grieving process.

The love

When our loved one dies, our love has no where to go. Our life has been irrevocably changed and cannot be replaced. There are many physical symptoms that come with experiencing grief.

They are wide varied and include:

  • Sleeplessness, struggle to sleep, fear of going to sleep.
  • Difficulty breathing
  • Loss of appetite, increase of appetite.
  • Aches and pains
  • Headaches
  • Constant lethargy
  • Tightness in your chest or throat
  • Hollow feeling in body

It is important to note that if you have any concerns to always check it out with your GP.

Checking in

Family, friends and people we know so often want to ask, “how are you, really?” and so often it comes out as “I’m here if you need anything” and often you want to tell them how you’re really feeling, and that comes out as “I’m okay”.

Speak to those you trust and feel most comfortable with, share how you really feel and allow yourself that space to share what your loved one means to you.

The chasm of grief will narrow.


Go at your pace, there is no time frame when it comes to grief.

Be gentle with yourself. You matter!

Do what you can each day, be honest with yourself.

Build in time and space to rest.

This is not something to fix, you are not broken!